At Lifespan Education, our work centres on working with young people, including teens. An important aspect of this work is having knowledge about adult behaviours that teens respond to, and those they resist.
We summarise below what we believe to be sources of good information, and what those sources tell us.
Source 1: Practitioners in Developmental Psychology
This is the most substantial body of knowledge, coming from professional practitioners who work with adolescents. Major practitioner-educator-authors include Lisa Damour, Laurence Steinberg and Dan Siegel.
What practitioners regularly emphasise:
Being present without an agenda.
Teenagers respond when adults offer their presence without trying to make something happen. Many adolescents resist adult that begin conversations with prescribing, directing, or extracting information, rather than valuing the connection and time together.
Being steady, and not reactive.
Teens read adult emotional regulation closely. An adult who stays calm when the teen is dysregulated can provide a safe experience for the teen. Although most adults know that being receptive, empathic and steady is a good thing, they find it hard to practise it. This is especially true at the end of a long day when adults are worn down and the teenager’s patience finally comes unglued. Adults need to prepare and preserve the capacity to model steadiness during times when teens need it.
Giving space for autonomy, even at the expense of being close.
Adolescenceresent is a period where the young person establishes their identity and sees themselves as a freestanding actor. They need to be able to do so before they can be close again as they were as children. Often they seek experiences away from their childhood caregivers, towards their peers and outside activities like sports. The push away is a developmental task that is not a sign of rejection. Adults who can handle this without taking it personally are considered trustworthy.
Validate first, before giving advice.
The consistent message from experienced practitioners is: listen first, empathise, don’t jump to solutions unless asked. Regardless of how good the advice may be, adults who skip first to advice are signalling that they are more interested in resolving their own discomfort than in being with the teen in the teen’s experience.
Source 2: research ON ADOLESCENT TRUST
This body of work comes primarily from developmental and social psychology, that examine how adolescents form their judgements on who to trust. It is more technical than practitioner writing. It explores in a deeper way the mechanisms behind what is happening with teens.
Research on adolescent trust suggests that adolescents moves away from beliefs held during childhod and increasingly update their judgements about who to trust based on experience and evidence. This supports the practical importance of adults being consistent and predictable over time.
In one qualitative exploratory study, adolescents described forming trust online by using cues from how others present themselves, whether information seems reliable, and whether interaction feels genuine.
Source 3: Authenticity research
This literature draws on self-determination theory and identity development research. It examines authenticity as an internal experience, as well as in relationships between people. It helps explain how teens relate to their own sense of self, and why authenticity in relationships impacts on their wellbeing.
Authenticity is seen as the sense of being one’s true self. It is a general indicator of psychosocial health in adolescents. Teens are attuned to authenticity in themselves, as well as inauthenticity in others.
Authenticity is associated with adolescent wellbeing, while inauthenticity is often associated with poorer psychosocial outcomes.
Source 4: Connectedness and belonging research
This literature includes longitudinal studies and public health research tracking links between adolescent connectedness and health outcomes later in life.
Adolescents who felt connected to home or school at ages 12–17 were up to 66% less likely to experience health risk behaviours in adulthood. Connection is protective in this way.
Only 58.5% of US teens report receiving the social and emotional support they need.
Summary
Pulling all sources together, the adult behaviours that make teens feel seen and safe cluster around five things:
- Consistency.
- Be present without an agenda.
- Staying inside the experience, without rushing to fix or advice or exit.
- Authentic self-presentation, including acknowledging confusion and not-knowing.
- Respecting autonomy.
None of this is complicated in practice. But it does ask something of the adult first, without any sign of feedback or the teen reciprocating. That fact, of being asked for something and not getting something in return, is a challenge for the adult.
Practitioner experience and research suggest that teenagers are not indifferent to the adults around them. Even when they appear distant, they are still learning which adults are safe, steady, and worth trusting. The value of adults walking alongside teens often begins when adults can remain present, consistent, and respectful of autonomy.
Sources and further reading
Practitioner resources
- Lisa Damour — drlisadamour.com
- Laurence Steinberg — laurencesteinberg.com
- Dan Siegel — drdansiegel.com
Academic research
Alchin, C. E., Machin, T. M., Martin, N., & Burton, L. J. (2024). Authenticity and inauthenticity in adolescents: A scoping review. Adolescent Research Review, 9, 279–315. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40894-023-00218-8
Blum, R. W., Lai, J., Martinez, M., & Jessee, C. (2022). Adolescent connectedness: Cornerstone for health and wellbeing. BMJ, 379, e069213. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj-2021-069213
Colì, E., Paciello, M., Lamponi, E., Calella, R., & Falcone, R. (2023). Adolescents and trust in online social interactions: A qualitative exploratory study. Children, 10(8), 1408. https://doi.org/10.3390/children10081408
Krabbendam, L., Sijtsma, H., Crone, E. A., & van Buuren, M. (2024). Trust in adolescence: Development, mechanisms and future directions. Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 69, 101426. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dcn.2024.101426
Låftman, S. B., Östberg, V., & Raninen, J. (2022). Trust and emotional difficulties in adolescence: Findings from a Swedish cohort study. European Journal of Public Health, 32(Supplement 3), ckac129.524. https://doi.org/10.1093/eurpub/ckac129.524
Reiter, A. M. F., Hula, A., Vanes, L., Hauser, T. U., Kokorikou, D., Goodyer, I. M., NSPN Consortium, Fonagy, P., Moutoussis, M., & Dolan, R. J. (2023). Self-reported childhood family adversity is linked to an attenuated gain of trust during adolescence. Nature Communications, 14, 6920. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-023-41531-z
Zablotsky, B., Terlizzi, E. P., & Ng, A. E. (2024). Perceived social and emotional support among teenagers: United States, July 2021–December 2022. National Health Statistics Reports, 206. National Center for Health Statistics. https://doi.org/10.15620/cdc/158336